After I found out I have MS but before it took any major ability from me, I somehow thought the effects of weakness and numbness caused by the condition would follow a logical sequence. For instance, perhaps my toes would begin to feel numb, then the numbness would work up my foot, followed by my lower leg, then upper leg – somewhat like slowly sinking in quicksand or erasing a picture from bottom to top. That perception was very wrong. Instead, MS has eaten random holes in my brain, and therefore affects different parts of my body with no rhyme or reason. It has taken bites out of me in different places.
I did notice signs of numbness in the toes of my left foot early on, but there was also some numbness in a part of my right knee and a spot of my left lower leg and the middle of my right thigh as well as parts of a hand, shoulder and stomach at the same time. The affected parts of my body I didn’t need so much went unnoticed for awhile, but the numbness was present and growing. It took some time for me to realize that some of these parts of my body were affected, especially while I was walking less, but I realized over time that the weakness was due to more than lack of use – parts of my core that MS has claimed are most difficult to recognize. I can’t identify all of the places that don’t work so there is some mystery involved.
What I’m left with is a swiss cheese kind of body where there are holes of numbness or weakness.
I’ve thought about trying to map my body in swiss cheese form as an exercise in awareness, but I’m not sure how aware I actually want to be.
I have often felt like a body moving locations in a Star Trek transporter that never quite finishes the job, leaving parts of me somewhere else. In essence, pieces of me are lost in space, floating in another dimension. That would account for the tingling sensations in places.
Maybe the missing parts will stay in a place of “hold” for me on another planet until there is a cure and then they’ll be beamed down to join the rest of me. There’s always hope.