This is WAR!

Like a war for valuable territory, MS has created a power struggle in me that wages war while the enemy battles to gain territory and change the borders of my being claiming acreage inch by inch on my physical abilities.  I fight in many ways to stand my ground and retreat only when there are no options left other than surrender.

battle3

Pride is a complex emotion.  At its best, it helps me retain whatever independence I’m allowed, but the fine line between self-sufficiency and stubbornness is often difficult to define.  It sometimes boils down to time efficiency and comparing how much time it would take to do something on my own versus asking someone to do it for me.  I ask ”will doing it myself benefit me and others or is it better for everyone if I ask for help?”

Often, asking makes more sense.  But it’s hard to ask.

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About Climbing Downhill

Wife and mother of grown kids, in my 50's and dealing with MS, making life's moments count and trying to offer something of value to others along the way. https://climbingdownhill.wordpress.com
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3 Responses to This is WAR!

  1. stephen says:

    When I was first diagnosed with MS, I told my family that A) they needed to trust that I would ask for help when I needed, and B) I would trust them to help when I asked for it. You are right, it is difficult to accept reduced independence and ask for help. I remember when my children were small the conflict between having the patience to watch them fumble with tying their shoes versus simply tying them myself. MS has forced me, kicking and screaming, to accept help from others in exchange for less fatigue for me. As you point out, it is not easy trade-off.

    • Thanks for your input – great point about remembering when the kids were young. Unfortunately for me, pride continues to be an obstacle in asking for help. I’m a work in progress.

      • stephen says:

        Ha, I don’t in any way imply that I am there yet. Every time I drop into my power chair, or deal with being pushed around town by my wife, I feel a little bit more independence slip away. But I’d never get (physically) out of my house without asking for help. Hurts every time.

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